Formal Introduction


Dear Mr. Brad,

I am writing this formal email to introduce myself. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic (SP) with a diploma in civil engineering with business. The reason why I studied in civil engineering is because my dad is in the construction industry and from young, I always found it interesting that different expertise come together to accomplish a project. When I was studying in Singapore Polytechnic, I learned how to design structures and I found joy in learning it. While studying in SP, my interest sparked even further, and I hope to become a professional engineer.

For my final year project, my team came up with an energy harvesting road kerb model which includes components like wind turbine, water turbine and solar panels. Wind turbine will collect energy from cars using wind drafts produced when driving past. In the event of rain, the wind turbines also act as water turbine. When the water flows down the drain, it will cause the turbines to move therefore producing energy. The solar panel is placed on top of the kerb. The energy collected will be stored in battery cells that can be put to use.

One of my communication strengths would be that I am able to converse well in small groups, for example voicing out my thoughts and providing feedbacks. However, whenever I present in front of a large group, I will feel nervous and this often leads to not being able to perform well. 

I would like to improve my writing and communication skills for this module as improving on communication skills can also help to boost my confidence level which will benefit me in the future. This will also help in conveying my thoughts more effectively. 

Thank you and I look forward to your upcoming lessons.

Best regards,

Shumin

Revised on: 25/1/18

 Commented on: Hong Kiat, Gordon, Huan Choon, Jean

Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 14, 2018 at 7:12 PM

    Dear Shumin,

    Thanks very much for this clear and concise self intro letter. I appreciate learning about your background, in particular, your motivation for studying engineering and your interest in your actual coursework. The project you did in poly also sounds very interesting!

    Your language use throughout the letter is quite good, though there are a few areas worth a review:

    1) verb tense
    -- When I was studying in Singapore Polytechnic, I learn how to design structures .... >>> (learn?)

    2) use of singular/plural
    -- One of my communication strength.... >>> One of my communication strengthS

    3) phrasing
    -- This will also help to converse my thoughts more fluently. >>> ?
    -- To help with this, every presentation I will spend time and try my best to prepare myself so as to feel calmer. >>> spend time on what?

    4) perspective
    -- As for writing, there are no limits in improving your writing skills because it gets better when your grammar and vocabulary improves. >>> My writing skills? It sounds as though you are talking to me.

    5) (lack of) use of commas
    -- While studying in SP, my interest to sparked even further and I hope to become a Professional Engineer.
    -- However, whenever I present in front of a large group I will feel nervous and this often leads to not being able to perform well.

    These items are fairly minor issues that can be polished with attention.

    I look forward to reading more of your work this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ShuminJanuary 24, 2018 at 3:01 AM

      Dear Mr. Brad,

      Thank you for taking your precious time to read and comment on my assignment, your help has been immeasurable in contributing to my continual improvement. I will make the necessary amendments based on your comments.

      Once again, thank you for your time and I look forward to your upcoming lessons.

      Best regards,
      Shumin

      Delete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2018 at 10:38 PM

    Hey Shumin!
    detailed writing on your background and why you're in civil engineering! There are just some points that I'd like to highlight.

    ~"While studying in SP, my interest to sparked even further and I hope to become a Professional Engineer." >> I don't understand the phrase "my interest to sparked even further."

    ~"One of my communication strength...">>> One of my communication strengths

    ~"However, whenever I present in front of a large group I will feel nervous and this often leads to not being able to perform well." >> It seems a little strange saying "however, whenever" maybe it could be "However, I feel nervous when I present in front of a large group..."

    Overall it's good and let's work hard together~!!

    Cheers,
    Hong Kiat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ShuminJanuary 24, 2018 at 7:46 AM

      Hey Hong Kiat,

      Thank You for taking the time to read my letter.

      For the phrase “my interest to sparked even further.” There is a typo error, it is supposed to be “my interest sparked even further."

      Hope this clarifries your queries.

      Best wishes,
      Shumin

      Delete
  3. UnknownJanuary 24, 2018 at 7:51 AM

    Hi Shumin,

    This is a very well written post and I really enjoyed reading it. There is only one minor issue I wish to draw your attention to. In your first paragraph, I feel that the words "professional engineer" should not be capitalized. Thank you and I look forward to seeing you in class.

    Best wishes,

    Huan Choon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ShuminJanuary 24, 2018 at 8:52 AM

      Hey Huan Choon,

      Thank you for the feedback. I will make the necessary changes.

      Best wishes,
      Shumin

      Delete
  4. gordonJanuary 24, 2018 at 8:07 AM

    Dear Shumin,

    I enjoyed reading your post. I think that your letter is clear and entails all the necessary information that is requested.

    Your short and fluent sentence ensures that you get your idea across to your readers easily. The way you organise your letter also made it easier for your readers to get the appropriate information at the right time.

    Hope by the end of this course, you will gain the confidence to present in a large group!

    Best regards,

    Gordon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ShuminJanuary 24, 2018 at 8:54 AM

      Dear Gordon,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter. Let's strive to achieve our goals for this trimester!

      Best wishes,
      Shumin

      Delete
  5. JeanJanuary 24, 2018 at 5:01 PM

    Hi Shumin,

    I enjoyed reading your post. Your final year project in SP seems quite interesting. Overall I feel that your post is very clear and you have stated all the necessary points. It also has proper salutation.

    I guess speaking in front of a crowd is something most of us are not really confident in. Under Brad’s guidance we can overcome this together!

    Great job on your first post

    Cheers,
    Jean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ShuminJanuary 28, 2018 at 5:42 AM

      Hey Jean,

      Thank you for taking the time and read my post. Let's conquer our fears together!

      Best wishes,
      Shumin

      Delete
  6. Brad BlackstoneFebruary 10, 2018 at 7:05 PM

    Excellent interaction in this post thanks to your feedback to commentators! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete

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